No, part two

I walk down the street every morning and I get set upon on all sides by voices, all seeking my charity. The homeless want money for cigarettes, Greenpeace wants to save the whales, and my local political candidate needs my money to effect meaningful change in our government. I can’t help them.

I used to tell them why I couldn’t assist, explaining that I did not have a lot of money but that I would certainly help with my vote. I tried to point the homeless people towards the shelters where I knew that they would be fed and housed. It took up a lot of my time and energy, and the people I spoke with were generally unappreciative because I was not handing over money.

I don’t do that anymore, and it’s all because of a self-defense class I took. There is a fantastic organization here in Seattle called Home Alive. This group offers low-cost self-defense training. One of the workshops I took was on verbal self-defense and boundary setting. We practiced different ways to react when someone had done something inappropriate to us. Sometimes a word is enough, and sometimes you need to do something more physical. The most important lesson I learned that day was that the word no doesn’t need any justification.

No can stand alone. Greenpeace doesn’t have to know why I’m not giving money. I do not have to justify myself. That is a liberating thing to know. I’ve made it my practice now when asked on the street to just say no without any qualifying statements. If they ask again, I repeat myself. Of course I always have the option to say yes, but that’s at my discretion. It’s great to have control back. That’s a very joyful feeling.

I plan to take more of their classes sometime soon. It feels great to know that I can defend myself should the need arise. Who’s going to take care of me if I don’t take care of myself?

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

115. Next time someone asks you to do something and you want to turn them down, just say no. Don’t explain why you cannot do the thing. Remember that you don’t even have to have a good reason—you are allowed to say no just because you feel like it. How did it feel to just say no?

Link, should you desire it:

If you’re in Seattle, check out Home Alive. This is a great organization, and it deserves your support. http://homealive.org/

Come back soon

The little lost souls have misplaced their hotels again. I see them wandering the streets, staring at maps and casting confused looks. Most of the people they ask for help are other tourists. I step in, and am able to guide them to safety with my knowledge of the city. I love it.

I’ve never lived in a tourist destination before. There are people who visit Minneapolis, but it’s too cold for flocks of excited visitors. Other places I’ve lived have been too small to have been major destinations. Seattle, on the other hand, is practically flooded with people seeking to explore our sights. They bring an exciting energy to town, and it’s wonderful to be able to visit with people from all over the world without leaving the city.

I’ve had Earl Grey and crumpets with a pair of Australian ladies who needed a table to share in my favorite crowded tea shop. I’ve discussed the similarity of our weather and Ireland’s with a British National in one of our local pubs. I’ve even had some lovely conversations with fellow New Yorkers who decided to visit the other coast.

These people have told me a lot about what they’ve been seeing here, and I’ve learned more about Seattle by talking to them. They share their enthusiasm for this city as well as their puzzlement about it. I try to help them understand, although I don’t always understand Seattle, either. After all, I’m a transplant here, too. It’s fun to hear stories about how this place differs from their homes.

I’ve also gotten plenty of tips on places to go see. I have an invitation to lunch from the ladies from Perth, should I ever be in their neighborhood. I hope some day I can take them up on it. In the meantime, I’ll just savor the memory and enjoy the company of the rest of the visitors. We have so much to talk about, and I can’t wait to meet the rest of them when they come into town.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

114. Next time you visit somewhere—even a different neighborhood—interact with the locals and share your unique perspectives on a place. What can they tell you about the area? What can you tell them?

Shout it from the rooftops

I didn’t get anything done last night. I’d planned to have a quick dinner, read a few chapters from my current book and then work on packing for a few hours. Instead, I ate dinner, started reading, and fell asleep. When I awoke in the middle of the night I set my alarms and went back to bed.

It was just the rest I needed, and I feel refreshed today. I know that I’ll have time tonight to work on my tasks. I had three other places to be last night and similar opportunities for this evening, but I’m not going to any of those engagements. I would have, but a few years ago I learned a magical word. I’m going to teach it to you right now, and then you can spread the gospel for me. The word is “no” and it’s right up there with “please” as one of the most useful words in the English language.

I would have had fun doing those other things, but not as much fun as I had taking that nap. I used to automatically agree to go to parties and social meetings. I’d always volunteer to help out at things, and I added obligations to my calendar at a breakneck pace. “No” saved my sanity. Now I have some time in my schedule to take care of things that need to be done. I also need to have days where I can do absolutely nothing so that I don’t get overwhelmed.

There is a helpful concept that I learned from the teachings of Abraham, as recorded by Esther and Jerry Hicks. The philosophy states that if you are considering doing something and you can’t answer “Hell yes!” to the possibility then you should answer “Hell no!”  This little test serves me well when I remember to implement it. There are some things that must be done, regardless of the joy involved—I’d rather be elsewhere than at work, for example—but most things I’m considering can be decided by this one question. Once I’ve know whether I really want or need to do something, than I can use my magical “no” and my happily-granted “yes” to best effect. The nap last night was definitely a “Hell yes!” I feel relaxed and raring to go.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

113. What do you have coming up on your calendar? Apply the scheduling test to it and see what you can remove.

Whole lotta packing going on

I had a busy holiday weekend. I didn’t barbecue; I didn’t go to the beach; I didn’t travel. I didn’t even blog. I packed for my move. I didn’t get it all done, but I made a significant dent in it, and I rewarded myself with some time off for good behavior. I watched videos with my friend and we ate Mexican food. Yum.

The weekend was warm and sunny, so it was a great weather for me to stay inside. I prefer the slight chill of the damp, drizzly days to the rays of everyone’s favorite natural light bulb. It was a perfect time to be inside putting things in boxes. Most of the people in my building are moving out, too, so there were several U-Hauls outside to remind me to keep to task. It also reminded me that I’m not the only one having to do all this work.

I listened to a lot of good music while I worked, and I tried to keep things as enjoyable as possible. It was still a big effort, but I’m really looking forward to my new apartment. I miss my old neighborhood, and it’s great to be moving back there. All this work will be worth it when I’m finally settled in the new digs. I’m trying to keep that in mind as I struggle with the mess that packing creates.

I’m also using my resources. I’m a fairly positive person, but it’s hard to stay happy when you’re sitting in the middle of a great big pile of boxes. My friends cheered me up. It helps to know that I won’t be carting the boxes by myself, and it’s good to be dragged out of the house for a while when I’m starting to get overwhelmed. Otherwise, I might just have to crawl under the bed and not come out. There’s not a lot of room under there, so it’s not a very practical plan. I think my new apartment will be more spacious than the slot under my futon, so I guess I’ll keep getting ready to move. Now I’ve just got to get there.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

112. Do you have a difficult task to get done? Ask your friends for moral support, and don’t feel guilty about it. I’m sure they’d be glad to help. Wouldn’t you do it for them?

Many ways to celebrate

As I wind up another five days of work the weekend stretches out before me, bright with promise. The holiday on Monday gives me three whole days to do whatever I fancy. Since I live in the bustling city of Seattle, I have a lot of options for spending my free time. Among the many possibilities—I could go to the free drag show on Sunday night; I could take a ferry ride; or I could go to the Northwest Folklife festival. The festival is tempting—three plus days of dancing, music and performance, and the admission is free with an optional donation.

It sounds like loads of fun. I may stop by for a bit, but I think I’m going to do something even more rewarding. I plan to pack for my move. I don’t have a lot of time during any given week to concentrate on tasks like this, and the sheer enormity of it has set me to worrying. I’ve already done quite a bit, because I don’t believe in procrastinating, but there’s a lot more to do. If I focus, I think I could get the majority of the work done. Then I’ll be able to relax until I actually have to cart the boxes from one place to another. Of course some items will have to be left to the last minute, but I’ll feel a lot better if most of it is squirreled away now.

I also like the fact that this festival is happening this weekend. If I concentrate, I think I could get most of it done in two days. Then I’ll be able to reward myself for a job well done without spending any money—an important consideration as I save for the move. I plan to have fun doing the work, too. I could use a weekend of good music and home-cooked soup, and all that can happen while I pack. It will feel good to see the empty closets and the neatly-stacked cardboard boxes, and to know that I won’t have to spend next Saturday similarly engaged. I can’t wait to get started!

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

111. Is there something that you need to get done? Get it out of the way right now. Do you feel relieved?

Aka Raygun Gothic

I am a deep believer in the old saying “you learn something new every day.” I certainly do. This morning I was reading the paper and found out that a historic building is being knocked down in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle. This building most recently housed a Denny’s and has been other restaurants in its time. Advocates were trying to save it as a fine example of Googie architecture.

I love architecture, but I’d never heard that term before. I looked it up on Wikipedia—yay! Wikipedia—and found out it’s the name for a style that I adore. Think of all those roadside businesses built in the Fifties and Sixties with that futuristic look—the upswept roofs, the starbursts, the boomerangs. That’s Googie. The style was named after one of those businesses, named Googie’s. Like many examples of the style it’s been demolished. People don’t always value things until they are gone, and many critics believe if something is popular it must not be good. Hogwash! A lot of these buildings were motels, bowling alleys and other businesses. Buildings on the commercial strip are more prone to redevelopment than other historic structures, but I treasure the ones that remain. I remember road trips I’ve taken, and all the signage I’ve admired. A lot of that is typical Googie, too. I think back to a giant coffee pot splashing into a neon cup, and the enormous flashing arrow which directed me to stop at that particular restaurant. The food was good, too.

I love these types of buildings because they look fun, and remind me of the other styles of the era. Our very own Space Needle qualifies as Googie architecture because of its futuristic look. This style is another reminder that our buildings don’t have to be big ugly boxes. I have more fun eating my scrambled eggs in a shiny metal diner than I do consuming the same meal served at a non-descript chain restaurant. Our surroundings do make a difference. I’m glad that I’ve learned the proper term for this style. I want to sing its praises by name. Yay Googie!

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

110: Do you like the futuristic buildings of the Fifties era? Why or why not? Do you know the names of the architectural styles you do appreciate? If not, try to discover them.

I can walk to everything

Apartment hunting is a love/hate thing for me. I adore architecture, and I’m naturally curious, so I love to see inside all the places. I’m interested in the different configurations that exist, and all the odd little extras that a place can have. During my last round of looking I went to a building that had a toaster which tucked into the wall when you were done using it. That seemed like a fire hazard to me, but I love the idea of one less appliance on my countertop. I’ve seen giant holes in kitchens, closets so small that they’d only fit three outfits, and wallpaper so shiny you could see yourself in it.

I also found a place. It’s funny, because while I was standing outside the building waiting to meet the manager I started to dismiss the apartment. The outside of the building was an undistinguished brick box. The windows did not appear very large, and I decided right then and there that the inside was probably intolerable. When I went inside I changed my mind. I’m moving into a turn-of-the-century apartment building. The stairways have lovely woodwork, and I loved the apartment. The walls are exposed brick, and the bedroom and living room are connected by pocket doors. The windows are bigger than they look from the sidewalk, and the bathroom hides a clawfoot tub. I’m looking forward to soaking in it.

The kitchen is quite a bit bigger than those in most newer apartments, probably because it was built before the era of so much fast food. I love the built-in storage. I really should know better than to prejudge a place! I’ve still got a lot of work to do before I can actually make the move, but I’m getting excited about my new space. The neighborhood is better for me, and I’ll be really close to where I go dancing. I’m relieved that my search is over, and I see the new apartment as a prize I’ll earn once I’ve gotten all the work of moving done. I can’t wait!

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

109. Although change is a lot of hard work, it can also be a lot of fun. Bring some new energy to the space where you live by rearranging the furniture or doing something different. How does that feel?

What a glorious feeling

Everything is wet today. The sidewalks glisten, the leaves curl around mouthfuls of water. Damp pigeons fluff their feathers as I walk by. The city is renewing itself. I love the rain, and it’s a special treat to have it on the tail end of a miniature heat wave.

I woke up to a cool bedroom, the air crisp with the breeze brought by the showers. I made sure to go for a walk during lunch so that I could enjoy the nice weather. Other people stayed inside, not wishing to get wet. I’ve been told that I’m perfect for Seattle, because I love the native dampness. I moved here partly for that dampness, and I have not been disappointed.

I think it’s important to live in a place that suits you. I have a close friend who lives in Phoenix. I love to visit Arizona, but I cannot see myself battling the heat on a daily basis. I would miss the greenness of my environment, and I would never want to leave the cocoon of an air-conditioned nest. I don’t even like air-conditioning. On a similar note, I used to live in Minnesota. I loved the people there, and the culture was intriguing. It was a very friendly place by and large, and I enjoyed strolling around the many lakes. It was also cold—so cold a lot of the time that I felt like I was battling Mother Nature. Winter, which seemed to last most of the year, was an endurance test. I bonded with the natives there, because we were all survivors of an environmental endurance test. Who needs that kind of struggle?

Now that I live in Seattle I am much happier. I’ve tossed my snow shovel, and I don’t even carry an umbrella most of the time. There’s always going to be days that aren’t quite perfect, but I am happy in the knowledge that I’ll get to sit out in the rain on a regular basis. My city provides me with the puddles and downpours I crave, and I revel in them when they arrive. Mother Nature and I are friends again. She’s a pretty good ally to have.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

108. Does the place where you live suit you? Why or why not? Is there anything you can change to make your environment more accommodating?

Amigos, together

I am so tired this morning! My arms are aching. I need a nap. I had a rough weekend, and a wonderful weekend. It was very difficult because Seattle had uncharacteristic heat, and the renovations on my building meant that I couldn’t open the windows. My house mate also decided to move most of his stuff to the new apartment he found. We were moving in the midst of the heat. Saturday was warm and sticky, which is weird weather for the Pacific Northwest. I helped him to put up shelf paper, and the effort was enormous for both of us. Sunday we did the whole U-Haul thing, carting boxes and lifting furniture. It was very productive, but also exhausting.

We still had a lot of fun. The amazing thing about good friends is that you can have a really good time together even when you’re all stressed out. He had decided to move his stuff right away because he’s got company coming today, and the visitors are going to stay in the new place. The decision to move on Sunday was kind of a spur of the moment thing, but his friends all pitched in to help. We made up songs about moving and were singing as we carted things from one place to the other. We collapsed together and drank limeade afterwards. It’s good to know that you have people to help you through life’s stresses.

He’s going to help me to move when my time comes, and I know it’s going to be the same mixture of hard work and goofy shenanigans. I tried to bring that spirit of fun back to the apartment with me last night, and I packed a whole bunch more of my own boxes. It’s like Mary Poppins always says: “a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.” It’s much easier to get hard work done with music playing and a spirit of playfulness in the air. My friend and I are looking forward to a time later this summer when all this will be behind us and we’ll be drinking the limeade without the lifting. Until then, it’s great that we have each other.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

107. Who helps you through life’s stressful times? Celebrate that connection today by doing something fun with one of those people.

Shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen

Tonight, like many nights, I am missing my buzz cut. I’ve never been in the army, although I did sport the hair style. Growing up, my hair was long and stick-straight. My tresses used to hang down well below my waist. I still remember the endless detangling sessions and the knots that would not quit.

When I left home, I slowly shortened my hair, losing a few inches at a time, until my hair was an uneven mass of pretty punk spikes. I’d always wanted to try a different color, but that was too great of a risk for me. I couldn’t do it. I eased in with temporary dye, and liked the red tint that gave me. I finally mentioned to a radical hairdresser that I was considering going with an alternate color and she decreed that it would be so. I left the salon that day with lovely crayon-red hair, and quickly progressed to blue and magenta.

I loved it, and it helped me to realize that, after all, it’s just hair. Having a punk hairdo in my thirties allowed me to take more creative risks. I could no longer just blend in. I finally changed my style when I got tired of the extensive maintenance that magenta required. I also needed a hair color that would fit in with some of the office jobs I was working.

I wanted to go further and cut it all off, but I didn’t have the nerve. I was still gearing up to do it when I got a bad haircut. The only way to fix it was to shave the whole thing flat and start over. I loved it! Finally there was no goop to put in my hair, and people stopped urging me to acquire the blow dryer and curling iron I’d given up. I didn’t even own a comb. It was fabulous.

I kept my head bald for quite a while, but I need change. Today my hair hangs a bit past my shoulders, and I’m enjoying the option of leaving it down or wearing it up. Now that I’ve realized that it’s only hair, I’ll change when I’m ready. Who needs a Barbie doll, when you can experiment on yourself?

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

106. Have you had the same hairstyle for a long time? Are you the same person you were when you started wearing your hair that way? Try a little change like a temporary tint or a new hair clip, or go bolder with a cut or color. How does it make you feel?