I stepped on “I Love You”

There were a few tablespoons of almost-decorative snow placed around Capitol Hill this evening, accents of white beside the damp gray asphalt. As I walked towards espresso, I saw random conversation hearts that had fallen from a fractured box. Heat Wave was lying in my path. Call Me nestled amidst the grass. I laughed.

The universe is sending me messages again. I’d been trying to psych myself up to make a difficult phone call. The pursuit of joy involves some leaps into the void, and like the Fool, I’ve been leaping. This weekend I landed in two very lovely dates. We dined. We laughed. We kissed. We enjoyed each other’s company, but it was obvious we were quickly heading down two different paths in our own personal motor cars. I did not want a third date, and I had to call it off. I would have rather built a skyscraper out of toothpicks.

I was so worried about hurting feelings! I didn’t know what to say! It was not a joyful feeling at all, until I talked with a few people who had all faced this. I realized that everyone survives these conversations. Joy came trickling back. I made the call, as gently as I could. I caused disappointment, but I don’t think I caused harm. Success!

I used to avoid conflict of any sort. When I was younger I would stop setting foot into entire neighborhoods because I did not want to run into troublesome acquaintances. I went to movies I did not want to see, I kept friendships that were harming me, all because I did not want any confrontation in my life. I was constantly throwing invisible walls up into my own path. That hurt! It is no fun living in a maze of your own creation.

Tonight I feel very joyful. I can face difficult conversations. I value my own feelings as well as those of others. Most importantly, I no longer have this phone call hanging over my head. So, Universe, I got the message. You can stop littering the streets with candy.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:
11. Do something you have been avoiding because you think it will be hard, and then pat yourself on the back. Yay you! Do you feel relieved?

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